Is silence magical?

Sometimes, when I see relationships which are very complex, I wonder how they became that way. I think about how many words must have gone into making that complexity, how many feelings, thoughts and reactions have gone unrecognized and unvalidated within the simplicity of communication to turn the space into a tangled mess of hurt, verbal arrows that are sent from defensive bows behind walls of personal protection.

Arguments can start so small, and before you know it, they have become so big that finding a solution feels completely unimaginable and unattainable. And yet behind the words, feelings, thoughts, reactions and complexity there sit the desire and need to be seen, heard, understood and accepted, and yes, loved and validated, ..."just because".

So where does it go "off the rails"? Is it when each person believes they are right? that each person has "the answer" or "the solution" if only the other person would listen?

Or is it when someone is distracted by other people or things all competing for the same precious time that we seem to have so little of? I wonder, if we knew just how much time we had, would it be so easy to waste or ignore?

Today I spent some time with a beautiful old soul who was waiting and watching as his soul mate's breaths came slower and slower until they were no more. I watched the agony in his eyes, as he carefully and gently held her hand, lovingly stroking her fingers as he talked about how important she had been in his life, over the 50-plus years they had been the centre of each other's worlds. I heard his breath stop each time hers paused. I witnessed his terminal vigil of her ending of time, watching him dread each new sound, and hope each moment would not be the last that he could spend with her.

During this vigil, he said something magical which I felt was very important and is worth sharing: "the magic is in the silence". He spoke of watching her doing the things she had loved, smiling as he remembered what been so very precious to him. He said

"All you have to do is to listen, be quiet and watch, and you'll know everything you'll ever need to know about what's important to someone".

That made me think of all the times I have listened to my children only to respond to them, or to instruct, or to teach, or to make sure that our lives continued to flow. I wondered how our relationships, and by extension, their lives, would have been different had I stopped to listen just for the sake of listening, or sat in silence watching the people that I love doing what they love to do.

And then I thought about time, and how I often think "there's not enough time", "I need more time", "not this time", "next time", an excuse rather than to simply BE, and to witness what is happening with those around me. Time is magical. Time heals. Time creates. Time is precious. And if I don't take the time to see, and I mean REALLY SEE the people that I say that I love and hold dear, what will happen when I'm old and my time is running out? When there is REALLY no more time left?

So this has made me want to be different, and want to see, and hear, and understand, and really love the people that I love. I want to spend more time doing this without making excuses that serve someone else, or something else. I want to take the time to feel deeply, to truly hear what is being said to me, and to think about how my answer or comment might be received, or if it might wound or heal, or whether it is kind.

Or I might simply stay silent and learn, with the hope that the relationship will one day be something so special that the person will only want to stroke my hand lovingly, and watch me breathe.